🏯What does your emotional fortress look like? I can tell you.
Which of these two quotes do you most relate to?
1️⃣
“I want to be emotionally intimate with others but often find that they’re reluctant to get as close as I would like. I worry that others don’t value me as much as I value them. It can make me feel very upset and annoyed.”
2️⃣
“I want emotionally close relationships, but I find that other people are often disappointing or mean without good reason. I worry that I will be hurt if I allow myself to become too close to others. I don’t mind spending time on my own.”
Do you lean more towards 1️⃣ or 2️⃣?
If you picked 1️⃣, you're most likely have an anxious attachment style.
When met with inconsistent love, you become completely preoccupied with reestablishing your connection with someone. When your emotional needs have not been met, you do your best to chase this person down. You need constant reassurance that everything is okay and you'll resort to manipulation for it. Anxiousness.
🌺Tips for anxious attachment types 🌺
Don’t play games or try to manipulate your partner’s interest. Choose boundaries over manipulation. Be direct about your needs, and try to stop reading into everything they say. Just because you always speak in layers, doesn't mean they always do.
If you picked 2️⃣, you're most likely have an avoidant attachment style.
When met with inconsistent love, you underfunction and distance yourself from someone.
When your emotional needs have not been met, rather than causing conflict by bringing it up, you reduce your exposure that person and push them away. Most likely because you're afraid of retaliation or believe they cannot be reasoned with. Your only choice is to escape and go cold. You ghost people. Masked aloofness.
🌺Tips for anxious attachment types 🌺
Learn to become more assertive. Choose to communicate first rather than withdrawing. Holding secret resentments are sabotaging your relationships. You're doing the equivalent of going right up to a drive through window and not saying anything. You can't be mad you never got chicken nuggets if you never ordered them in the first place.
What attachment style sounds most familiar to you? What hits you deeper and why?
Btw, if you connected with this and want to go in-depth, consider reading this book.
📸: Tony Lowe